When I woke up, I was busting to go to the bathroom with no options close by so I was quickly out of the Cabana and into the Astro to drive over to the park where we’d originally planned on camping last night. Dan followed soon after but I was in the bathroom by the time he got there. Relieved, we ate breakfast in the park looking up at the dam that had impressed us so much yesterday. Our entertainment was Cleo who found herself a squirrel and after chasing it across the grass, cornered it in a bush and wouldn’t give up until she got it. Just as we called to her to come back to us, she shook the bush one last time making the squirrel dive out of it and sprint over to a tree. She knew she was beat then so came back to us and we hit the road.

There was nothing really to do between here and the Columbia River, but during our lazy research yesterday, we’d found that Palouse Falls, a highlight of Washington, was only a little bit out of our way so that’s where we aimed for. I’d been leading the way the last couple of days so it was Dan’s turn to drive in front and make all the decisions. It was nice to just follow the white van and not worry about anything else.

We drove through extremely dry farmland, mostly wheat that was ready to be harvested. The flat paddocks and yellow ground paired with the smoke haze that persistently hung in the sky didn’t really enthuse me as we drove. Instead, I was feeling drowsy behind the wheel. I kept awake as best I could listening to podcasts. We’d been going nearly two hours in the heat when I let Dan know I was in need of petrol. We found it in a tiny excuse for a town and since they didn’t have a bathroom, I was forced to hold it in. After the turn off to Palouse Falls, we passed an abandoned grain silo and Dan thoughtfully pulled over so I could pee behind it. We had a quick explore of the big towers, me poking my head into an opening and making a huge echo within the cylindrical walls.

On Dan’s request, I lead the rest of the way to the state park which took us down a dirt road and passed more than a dozen signs that labelled it as a fee area. We’d already decided we weren’t gonna pay and when we got to the park, I got us a couple of fee envelopes before we parked. Instead of detaching the front and placing money and the envelope in the fee box, we detached the front, put it on the windscreen, then left the envelope in the car, thinking that no one was going to empty to fee box in the time that we were there. Dishonest I know, but we are dirtbags living on the cheap.

It really was hot now and we couldn’t imagine a waterfall being anywhere close by in this dry landscape but sure enough, we walked down to a fenced off cliff and there it was, a huge waterfall feeding a huge pool of water below. We drooled at the sight, wanting nothing more than to cool off in that flowing water. We could see a faint trail carved into the cliffs below and there was a guy standing at the top of the falls so we knew it was possible. Wholly shit it was hot.

We went back to my van and Dan surprised me with the speed at which he prepared a couple of wraps while I sunscreeened up. Wearing nothing much more than our underwear, we walked off to find a way into the water. We walked through dry, dry land on ground that was cracked underneath our feet.

We didn’t come across many other hikers, but were excited to find there were smaller falls feeding the river behind the cliffs so we didn’t necessarily have to scramble down to the bottom of the Palouse falls.

We thought we found a quick way down near a rock formation that I coined “The Castle”, but nope, it was pretty much a sheer drop off. We meandered our way along the back river until we reached a train line and chose the fast route down to the base of the hill of rocks. I went painfully slow trying not to lose my footing on the loose rocks, but Dan embraced it, sliding down on his feet with his arse on the ground, Cleo on one side of him. He called it downhill sandal surfing and he nailed it.

On solid ground, it was only a short walk to the water and we were the only ones there at the river bank. The grey rocks were hot under our bare feet, but that didn’t matter, we were soon in the water. It was beautifully cold, though not very deep. We instantly put ourselves under the small waterfall that was gushing water into the river from the layer above.

We ducked in and out of the raging water, the temperature of our bodies dropping as we yelled and carried on under the stream of water. It was flowing hard enough to give us both descent massages and wash the dirt from our bodies. Dan’s loose pants blew up with air as he stood under the stream, making him look like a clown with an arse ten times bigger than it actually is.

By the time we were done playing around, another group of people arrived so we went a little further down river to see if we could find a cooler waterfall. Dan tried to slide down a tiered fall, but after I got into the pool at the bottom and found some errant rocks, he abandoned his slide and we got out of the water to go and check out the main falls.

Just after we left the river, Dan suffered a sandal failure when the plug came out of his thong. A bit of engineering involving a key ring and a sturdily tired knot and we were right to go. The trail was narrow as it followed the base of an impressive cliff, formed by hundreds of hexagonal columns.

Up close at “The Castle”, it was a great piece of rock sticking vertically out of the ground, looking like any piece would fall over if only a little force was applied. We explored around the top of the falls a bit and watched as a couple of people scrambled their way down to the pool at the bottom, glad we didn’t feel the need to do so.

Walking back the way we came, we were surprised at the graffiti that covered the base of the cliffs, mostly declarations of love that no one will ever care about. As we came to our original swimming hole, we saw the group of people that had been there before and I pointed out that two of them were shagging in the lower pool. Dan looked straightaway and confirmed that “For sure, they’re shagging”. They looked like they were in their late teens so “kudos to them!” we thought, but there’s no way we’d have done the same in that water. There were all sorts of little bugs in there that killed the appeal.

We had one last cool off under our favourite fall, Dan’s pants expanding into a huge balloon around his waist. The group kindly offered to take a photo of us before we left, which we accepted, but Cleo didn’t want to be a part of it.

We took the “slow” route back up the rock hill to the train tracks and followed our steps back to the main park. We’d already heated up again by the time we got back and so drenched ourselves one last time under the water tap in the middle of the picnic area. Everyone that saw us knew that we’d been down to the water and so we became tour guides, telling anyone who asked how to get down to the water.

We shared a coke back at my van and looked at the map a bit before moving on. Dan was nearly at the end of the dirt road when I saw the ranger drive in. Perfect timing! We’d gotten away with it.

More driving. If it was hot before, it was disgusting now. Nothing to see but farmland for a mile and beyond that was just smoke. After an hour and a half, we got to Snake River and Dan went straight for the water. He found a park by the water and even though it was not a place to swim, we both emerged from our cars and zombie walked to a picnic table where me and Cleo collapsed onto the grass and he did the same on the bench of the picnic table.

We were both so shagged from the heat we didn’t know what to do next. There was just no escaping the heat, especially with the van lives we lead. This was the worst heat we’d had since Phoenix, so bad that Dan’s aircon had given up the ghost. We lazed around a good half hour, googling the temperatures across Oregon and Washington, hoping to a find a mountain we could go to for some reprieve, but not coming across any smoking guns.

When Dan suggested a stop at Maccas for a cold refreshment on the way to a camp an hour away, I was instantly interested. I lead the way from the park and south towards the Columbia River Gorge where we hit traffic. Yay! The only thing better than driving in the heat is sitting in your car in the sweltering heat! We were happy to walk through the doors into an airconditioned Maccas and order ourselves a pair of dipped cones. This has to be the best value icecream at only $1 for a bunch of ice cream dipped in chocolate.

I uploaded some photos using the Wifi as we ate, letting our bodies recover a little. The aircon was so cold that I was actually relieved to walk outside again and since it was nearing 6pm, the bite of the heat seemed to be gone.

Half an hour later, we passed through the town of Paterson, which wasn’t really a town, and turned off down a dirt road to our camp. When we saw a locked gate across the road we weren’t too impressed. The next listed free camp was an hour away, something that didn’t interest either of us. Dan got right onto Google satellite and was determined to dirtbag and find our own way. I was keen for it and followed him down the road we’d been on. We crossed some train tracks and went down a narrow dirt road that ran parallel to the Columbia River.

At the first pull off, there was a secluded spot amongst the trees but there was already a car there so we moved on. It was just a long straight road from here wedged between the river and the train tracks, the late afternoon sun beating down in front of us. When we came to a split in the road, there was a bit of a pull off right next to a rocky beach so we considered this camp. We were hot, we were sick of driving.

First things first, we got straight into the water. It was cool and incredibly still, making for beautiful reflections off the water. There was some traffic in the water, but it was mostly fisherman off in the distance so we seemingly had the whole Columbia River to ourselves. Now cooled down, neither of us were looking for dinner thanks to our late Maccas camp so we played a round of cards in Dan’s car, trying a different version of Queen’s Chair called King’s Chair.

We had another swim in the river before the sun went down, this time having a bit of a wash in the process and by the time we got out, the air had started to cool off. As we were getting dressed in long pants and shirts to keep our bodies away from the swarms of bugs that were around, we saw our first train. Only meters away from us, it made a huge racket as it motored past us but it didn’t bother either of us, it was cool to be so up close!

Just after it passed us by, we were admiring the red setting sun when we heard a buzz in the air above us. It was a bloody drone! It hovered right above us, moving a little, but staying over our heads. It was only there for a couple of minutes, before it flew itself back over the hill where the road was but it had us both wondering. We’d just been spied on? Dan said he’d heard a car pull up on the road which was out of sight and said he could hear base pumping, so he didn’t think it could be cops, like I suggested. When he climbed the hill to the road, he saw nobody but could see where the car belonging to the drone would have parked. Why would someone have spied on us? We deliberated a while, before deciding we didn’t care about it.

We had a nice night just relaxing by the cars but we were on edge again when we heard something beyond the train tracks. The noise came and went and it sounded like someone stumbling through the grass or moving in some way. Dan called out “hello” with no response and we both felt pretty stupid when Dan figured out it was the sound of the railroad tracks creaking from cooling down. Ha, ha, ha, we really started relaxing then.

The trains kept coming, about one every hour and we were surprised to see a passenger train with only a few cars. Not only were the trains busy, the river had a bit of traffic with a small cruise boat passing by with pretty lights reflecting on the water. After the sun had well and truly gone down, we were ready for bed and with my mosquito net hung over Dan’s bed, we were cool enough with the doors open and completely bug free.